I also came across the video doing rounds on social media where a little girl is seen frustrated and upset and crying while her mother tries to teach her
I read the comments across different channels and saw people’s reaction. Some made me laugh, others made me bang my head, some made me want to bang other’s heads.
Perhaps it was just a reflection of our selves. A mere reflection; as a person, as a woman, as a mother. Just that some times we do not want to face our self. Perhaps the picture is not so great to look at.
With all honesty, it also gave me a chance to stop and reflect on myself, within. Where do I stand as a mother?
I wanted to just talk about the emotions in that short clip of few seconds.
First and foremost, our children are no more children for us, just circus monkeys. They smile, we pull out our ‘smart’ phones, they cry we start recording, they run to us to show us what they built, we choreograph the excitement, they tell us the neighbour’s kid hit them, we look for the perfect frame to match the emotion. We are slowly and gradually training our brain to just look at every thing, every person, every emotion and every aspect of our life through that small hole. We are teaching our minds to forget the fine art of remembering people without any picture. We are producing little actors who know what kind of performance will get them more likes and more comments.
We are also teaching them how vulnerable their emotions are. That we can record anything they do, say or want and put it for the whole world to watch and comment. Privacy is a thing of old times. My times. Guess I am too old now too. *Chuckles*
The rest are all details. I can write pages upon pages on the anxiety and distress that that child must be going through every day or about the mother who in that entire clip of about a minute and few seconds, did not try to console the child or show any affection or about the uncles of the child who later showed up to provide the background on why the child was treated the way she was and that how is that so justified.
But I would just stop right here, and imagine that 3 year old Haya, after about 15 years, a critical stage in her life, when she might see this video some where, and read the comments and then who knows.
I do not want my children to grow up and watch themselves being ridiculed just to satisfy their caregiver’s entertainment nerve-Do you?
Note: I could’ve easily added the entire video clip but then the purpose of writing the above is to highlight the issue, not spread it more. Hence I only preferred an image just for a reference.
While at work today, I was busy putting my things away, when something or say someone, caught my attention.
A young girl, probably in her tween, sweaty and tired walked in with a woman who she was calling her mom. The woman had a high pitched voice and I could hear her continuously telling her daughter to stop doing what she was doing. The girl had tears flowing down her cheeks, and looked helpless. I naturally felt bad for the child and said to my self what a mean, evil mother and awwww the poor child.
In my utmost curiosity and my intent to may be help the poor child out of the weird scenario she was in, I approached them and offered help.
Well not help, help, but I offered assistance while trying to figure the situation out. As the mother spoke to me and explained to me her reason for the visit, I was all ears to the conversation between the two in between. And did I hear them well or what. As I watched them leave, I wondered how would I have reacted in such a situation.
Okay cut the crap. The mother picked the daughter up from her summer camp and had to run some errands. As the child was hungry, the mother got her some fast food from McDonalds that was on her way. Her biggest crime however was that she did not make a U turn and did not go out of her way to go to the better McDonalds who makes burgers just the way the child wants. Hence the girl, that little girl was not happy how her burger tasted and had constantly been shouting and yelling at her mother on how selfish and mean a woman she is.
Just for the heck of conversation and to help lighten up, I asked the mother about the child’s age. She responded 13, the child screamed “I am 13” and the mother replied “Yes that is what I said”. The child screamed even louder “No you said 14!!!”
And I asked my own self what time we are living in.
As a child, and I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this earlier. But as a child I used to get only 15 minutes of cartoon a day, that too if I finished my homework on time, and properly. The food was never of choice but of my mother’s. And so were the clothes. “I do not want this” and “I do not like this” were unfamiliar words. I never had the liberty to raise questions about food, clothes, friends etc. And most of all, it did not damage me or my life. It did not ruin me as many might think or say or assume. It helped me be a better, smarter person. It helped me be thankful for everything I had. It helped me love and respect my parents. It helped me value little things and moments in life. It helped me to have less and still be happy and feel content. And it helped me to never regret being raised like that!
And then the face of that girl flashed in my mind again. The sense of entitlement over a burger not good enough. A child who could not handle disappointment. A child who had to be bribed with a chocolate so she could shut up for the rest of the time while the mother spoke to me. A child who was all about me, me and me and constantly wanted more and more, completely ignoring the fact that she is disrespecting her mother, disrespecting all efforts that woman might be making to keep her little girl happy.
I want to use this opportunity and ask you: What is your stance on that? What causes this? Is this even bad or am I over reacting?
Unlike the common media (racist) perception, Masjids aka mosques are not places of extremism. Okay may be some are, but most are not. We talk more about donations, charity, matrimonial issues and “where did you get this dress from?” then about “Lets kill some non Muslim” or “Lets blow ourselves”
I myself try to avoid masjid because of number 3. The unstoppable restless soul that he is, he does not let me pray in peace and I do not want to spoil other’s Salah too. Hence I avoid.
Today is Juma tul Wida, A very special day which means it is the last Friday of Ramadan. Friday being a special day for believers, and then the last Friday of Ramadan, the most special month, and the last 10 days of the blessed month. What more can one ask for.
Like anyone I know, I also wanted to go. But then what about number 3?
Luckily the closest masjid, which has one of the most pleasant and humble persons as Imam, Syeda Khadija Centre, broadcasts live prayers and sermons.
PM Trudeau at Syeda Khadijah Centre during Ramadan 2015
And today’s sermon by this absolutely gracious man, was so so simple, and so close to my heart, I have previously written about it as well, and so I had to share.
I made number 1 and number 2 sit with me and listen to it as well. And when later I asked them to tell me 1 point each out of what they heard, they could just do it like that. I would leave the religious stuff out of it and would only share the one that is general applicable for us all.
Internet is the biggest terror of our times:
I am a social media junkie. With or without intention, I just keep flipping through pages after pages. And I am sure most of us are. Most of the material on internet is not certified, but presented in a way that it looks more like news then unfiltered information. Parents instead of reading books to their kids or singing lullabies, prefer to hand them a smart phone or tablet that the child is then glued to.
Quote “What happened in Turkey is heart wrenching. No Muslim I know, would even think of doing something as horrendous as blowing himself and in turn taking innocent lives. Turkey is one the very few Muslim countries that have managed to keep balance between religion and modernity. And they kill these innocent people. And we all see these videos of mass brutality on our smartphones and then share them. 50 people die and all we care is to share the video of the suicide bomber. One sister texted me to pray for her son, who left home, saying I do not follow this hateful religion any more and I am leaving it. So she asked him, how do you know it is hateful? Where did you learn about it? Did you go to a scholar? And he replied Internet. So I request all you IT people to help our children and find some substitute. We were a generation of inventors and thinkers. And now we are all limited to consumers.”
Donate what you want for yourself:
I personally know that people around usually give old clothes and shoes and stuff in charity. Old, chipped plates, used toys, stained furniture. Unless it is specifically mentioned, no one gives new, packed stuff. And then we brag “Oh I dropped three garbage bags full of goodies at the donation box” or “Oh All my kids old toys go to the refugees” I have witnessed people actually looking for a toonie at the masjid when the donation box comes when their skin is hardly visible out of all the gold that they are wearing.
“Do not give rotten, basement bound stuff in donation. You have forty thousand dollars extra, lying in your account and your brother’s house is being sold on foreclosure because he could not pay will not help you. Do not give away ripped t-shirt and faded trousers in the name of donation. If you buy your suit from Harry Rosen or Gap or whatever, buy a new t-shirt or a pair of shoes and that would be an acceptable donation. If you like biryani for yourself, do not give away rotten, stale rice to a shelter.”
Let me start by a confession: I LOVE SHOPPING….. AND I HAVEN’T SHOPPED IN TWO YEARS!!!!
I love shoes, jewellery, dresses, lipsticks, lamps, glasses, dessert platters, plants. I am an impulsive shopper, which means I shop ‘just because’, not out of need. If I walk inside a store and I see something yellow, I would just pick it up and put it in my cart because I love yellow colour. I just can’t resist things I love!
But people do change (or so they think).
The first time I travelled to Pakistan after a gap of about 6 years, I had 6 allowed bags and 2 extra. One of my bags only had shoes; mine, number 1 and number 2’s.
Only a week after I landed in Karachi, I had realized it was a mistake, as for the rest of the duration of my stay, I only wore my Nike flip flop, which was not only comfortable but also the best defence against sweltering temperatures. My sister as usual had issues with me not wearing my branded, colourful heaps of jewellery and shoes, for she was afraid of me being judged (again) by family and relatives but I reminded her my name and she did get used to me wearing those flip flops with each and every, almost every outfit.
Number 1 & number 2 did get some chance to use their summer dresses well, but again accessories and shoes were only adding to their discomfort, being it their first summer in reality.
When I got back to Canada, there were couple weeks, rather months in between, where I lost track of new and old stuff. I had been preparing for this trip for months and then of course I bought and got stuff in Pakistan too. Hence at times, I would find out brand new stuff, with the labels on, buried deep inside the closet, running a size or two short for number 2, or number 1.
So it was around the beginning of 2014, when I decided I am not shopping. Yes I know it sounds weird, and unbelievable. But imagine the height of my frustration for taking such a big decision, for those who know me, know that shopping is one therapy I love and how fond I am of pretty little stuff and trinkets. BUT i decided nevertheless.
There was no deadline, no plan. I just decided I will not shop until all the current stuff in number 1 & number 2’s closet runs short and mine is all used, at least once.
What followed next were a few months of serious and severe depression, glum and binge eating. Of course this was my mind and body’s defines against this “stupid” decision I had taken.
Image courtesy: Google
I would just break the continuity here and share a funny habit. Long time ago, I developed this habit out of need. I would go to the mall, pick up all the stuff I liked, take it all to the fitting room, try it on, and then pick a handful out of those piles that I loved. It is the perfect ‘Dopamine fix‘ for me that not only helped satisfy my craving for all that colour, glitz and style but also cool it down.
Sorry… back to where I was….
For past almost two years, every time I browsed through Zara.com, I would add stuff to my shopping cart and at the end would click every item, zoom in and try to find a similar item in my closet. And every time I did find one, so I would remove that item from my basket and end up with nothing, and a reminder that I have that blue top with the bull head or that long lost turquoise flats that I had almost forgotten.
It was and is not about money, but trust me when I say it; the feeling of peace when you actually take the worn out or old stuff out of closet, when you actually find space, when you feel it organized, when you can put a new outfit together without spending money using the same stuff from the back of the closet that you did not know existed. And this is something big, this means ALOT coming out of this horse’ mouth.
I did not buy a single piece of clothing, any thing for home, any utensils, just nothing. I just kept removing the chipped plates, the ripped clothes, the clothes that kids grew out of. For their pre-loved clothes, I know this super amazing place ‘Weecycled’ where I give their clothes when they grow out of it. They are a consignment based store in Brampton, and carry pre loved clothes and toys as well as new stuff. I have been dealing with them for about 6 years now and am super happy. I know I could give the same clothes to someone in the family or friends and I did try it. Turns out they took the clothes too, and later whined and complained they were not good ‘enough’ so they threw them. Okay…. Alright…. I get it….. So I decided to divide the clothes. One portion I give to donation, the other to Weecycled, and few I keep for memories. Yeh that’s me!
And I did not break my fast, for about two years. No clothes, no shoes, nothing at all. Almost two years for number 1 & number 2 since they badly needed winter clothes for school, and more than two years for myself. I satisfied my cravings by browsing online stores, adding items to my cart, and then analyzing if where would it be used. I love dresses on my little ones, but I specifically asked myself where and how they will wear it since the snow pants make it almost impossible to wear dresses in winter so that leaves only spring/summer. It helped me great deal to put in perspective the need.
And then came this spring. I opened the closet. Clean, spacious, welcoming. It felt so good. Today was the last basket of clothes that I will be dropping off at Weecycled. After this I would need new clothes, and that still depends.
I myself am still fasting. I am using my existing wardrobe, trying to innovate and restructure my stuff in new ways every time and I must say I am loving it. I also realized how much junk I have been carrying all these years, while I only use two pair of jeans and 4 tops on a regular basis. Rest is all the impulse!
I also remember last year when I visited my favourite clothing store in Karachi, they had these new short kurtas on display and while I was checking those, one of the sales staff came to me and mentioned “You don’t need these; you bought all these last time and they have just been shortened in length but all the same”
That was some sincere and honest opinion I loved. I mean one more reason for me to stand firm on my decision. Also my sister and sister in law have been tempting me for past so many months, sending me pictures of branded replicas that would cost less than half the price of the original one. Yet, I stood firm and am still standing firm!
As for the children, trust me it don’t matter to them. As a matter of fact they loved the idea of no shopping and getting money for their clothes so they try to keep their stuff stain free so they get more coins in their coin box.
There is nothing wrong with being smart. Nothing wrong in teaching kids to be smart. Perhaps we just need to try it. And definitely if I can stay sober and sane, so can you!
I wake up every morning, turn the alarm off, the next thing in my hands is my phone: I do the same with the alarm, then check Messages(If any), then Twitter for news, then Whatsapp for messages from family and then Facebook for updates. After and when I am done with all this, then only I move. And I hate this!
Okay its alright to stay current and updated with the news, but what on earth am I supposed to do with what someone thousands of miles away from me is eating and feeling while eating. I mean first thing in the morning?
Past couple days, I’d been down and anxious; so much going on and then one morning when I was reading some news on Twitter, number 3 woke up and saw me busy on my iPhone and came close, and held my face and turned it towards him and said ‘ Band Mamma’ (Turn it off Mamma) It happened two consecutive mornings and what did I do? I signed out of all the social media apps on my phone.
There are people in my life, for who Facebook and Whatsapp comes first in their priority list, even before myself. But then I am me!
I have friends and families who have got separate tablets and iPads for their kids, as young as 2. I go for grocery and I see every passing stroller with a kid busy swiping the screen of their smart device. At traffic lights, I see cars and vans, with Dora or Caillou playing on the little television screens. Hospitals, doctor’s offices, shopping malls-9 out of 10 kids I see have some sort of device in their hands, regardless of their age. I mean what is wrong with us?
I remember growing up with only a 5 minute cartoon slot on the national television which was the only screen entertainment for us, that too in a hallway, that was always flooded with Dadi, phuphoos and cousins.
Then things progressed and we started having a 25 minute cartoon, evening 7pm. And that was it. And I am not talking about centuries ago.
Ammi used to pull keep knocking our bedroom doors, if any of us would lock it. We used to have dinner together. We used to talk. We had books to read, newspapers, magazines, puzzles.
And now I get guests, the young guns, that prefer to pull their hoodies on and sit in a corner playing, reading, listening, simply doing something with their smart device, and not socializing with the not-so-smart people in the room.
Personally I feel it is more the parent’s own short comings then anything else. I am not being judgemental; I am just saying what I observe.
Mothers are too busy so it really sounds like a good idea to have a silent baby-sitter with colours and music and pictures playing and keeping the kids entertained. Plus there is a lot of peer pressure. ‘That cousin” have it so I should also have it usually works wonders.
It some how addresses our own underlying, deep rooted complexes as a child-We try to give our children all that we could not get as a kid, without understanding that there was a reason we did not get something, and it was not money (only).
I have a household of three screaming, excited, ultra active human beings. I write and I sew and I bake and I craft and I watch news, dramas and movies; plus the every day household chores. I wash the same dish 15 times a day, because my baby likes to play with the freshly washed one, so I keep redound the same stuff over and over again. I have no help at all and yes I am bragging here. The only screen time my school going children get is 30 minutes, max 45. My baby is not a fan of screens at all. Yes there are times, when the screen time stretches beyond an hour, but that is rare, and extremely uncommon. They have no access to iPad unless they need to do some homework, which is timed and strict. They do not use any computers for any game, activity. I get them books, crosswords from the weekly flyers and newspapers. I asked for my family to send a Ludo so I can play with them.
And when they do nothing, they hover and make me want to run away.
Yes it drives me crazy and some times, it all just gets too much to handle. I am under slept, over tired, over stressed, but I am not ready to trade my children’s innocence for a 6 hour sleep. They eventually will be tech savvy and will have less time to communicate or interact with human beings in person. I just try to keep it this way, the natural way, for however long I can manage.
Number 1 was just promised by her father yesterday that if she finishes her Quran by a certain time she gets an iPad. And to my happiness, she responded “Remember no iPads” So I know children never develop complexes unless we try to shove it into them. Cell phones for now I have promised them when they’d be at least 16.
So my point: Please be sensible when deciding on handing over all this garbage aka technology, gift wrapped as tablets, pods and smart phones to these beautiful, super intelligent children when all they need is our attention and some encouragement. I argue and confront and fight about it with those I love. I know it is hard and I am not some kind of anti Illuminati or anti tech freak. I’m guilty of binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix when I am sad and I hog up on pop and sugar when I am depressed or I give up everything and not eat for days and survive on Chai as my to go med, friend, shoulder to cry-on. I just also admitted my horrible routine of social media when I just anxiously and insanely keep checking Facebook okay. I do. I am not a perfect mom, neither a perfect woman. I have my fair share of flaws. In fact I am more flawed than most. But this stuff is poison. It hurts those bright eyes, it damages those Einstein brains, it isolates those giggling personalities, it bars them friendly gestures and public etiquettes. It produces jay walkers who walk without the knowledge of their surroundings, engrossed in whatever device, and eventually usually get struck.
I wish I could’ve been born another time. Too old perhaps and hence nag!
Days before October arrived, number 1 told me “I know it is not okay to celebrate Halloween because it has Pagan roots, (I told them about the origin of Halloween and luckily the class teacher also discussed and explained the same to them) but would it be okay if we can just give away candies to people who come to our door”
This was the most tricky question I had been asked in months, so much so that I had to ask her for some time to think about it and get back to her.
In its essence, it was just a simple innocent wish to welcome people who come to our door step. At the same time it was something, that if I allow, would totally go against my previous sermons of why we should and do not celebrate Halloween.
I was lost in my thoughts for days around. I asked an aunt and she mentioned the same that her daughter had asked and that she would allow her to go out trick or treating this year. I was almost falling into the same path, with half my mind and heart still saying it is wrong, when suddenly one afternoon, as I picked them from the school bus stop, she went “Mama I think I do not want to give candies on Halloween. It is better we stick inside, and enjoy some good movie”. Should I say I was relieved? Yes I was. Should I say I was surprised? Yes I was.
Later she went on to explain “There are all kind of creepy faces that come for candy and I would not be able to sleep if i see one of those so closely, so its better for us (Pointing to herself and number 2) that we do not do it”.
End of story-Or was it?
It was basically their fear of those ugly faces, or zombies or demons that played the trick this time around but would it help next year?
As I keep saying and repeating, life in West has its own pros and cons. You live in a first world country, enjoy all the perks and privileges, many can only dream of back home. Yet there is this constant battle, within self, with the family, with peers to maintain our own identity, to have our own rules. Sigh!
Every year as Halloween approaches, there are these long lunch time discussions about why Halloween is not for us.
Lets put it this way: to me it is all a way of making money by the corporate giants around the world, than anything to do with any faith or religion. Enter any store in January and you’d see red hearts, chocolates and cupids all around asking and inviting you to SHOP for Valentine’s day. Comes March and suddenly everything is about Easter egg-hunts, and pastel flowers and bunnies. Then Mother’s day’s daisies, Father’s day’s ties, Back to School clothes, bags, things, Thanksgiving turkeys, Halloween candies and decorations, Christmas lights and Santa’s presents. In between al this there’s summer sale, winter sale, Cyber Monday, Black Friday, Boxing day and God knows what.
There is so much temptation, such marketing that one is almost forced to indulge into shopping for cheaper candy or better food items.
And then there is the religious part too.
You see I am quiet a liberal woman with very strong beliefs about right and wrong of my own. These were embedded when I was still a kid, a baby kid, and then reinforced time to time. Yet I would say, my mother must have had a better time teaching us things because back then there wasn’t this much awareness or must I say, information, among kids.
But at the same time, I am thankful to Almighty for such beautiful children I have. They listen, try to understand, and follow. Hardly ever a question, and not because there is any lack of intelligence or because of fear of any sort but because they’ve have learnt and believe that whatever mom decides for them would be the best and that is what they know.
I remember when number 1 was only 7 months old, I myself took her out trick or treating in a Tigger costume. I guess it was more my own wish to go around and have fun rather than her choice.
Then I realized its only little things like “Oh its just candy” “Oh its just saying Merry Christmas” or “Oh its just Easter egg hunt” that later on can find ways to justify a lot of things that are actually a nightmare, because “Oh its just……” (Fill in the blanks)
Also my own inner child that I had to tame. How long could I do things in the name of my children but actually because I want to do them or because I did not get to do those when I was a kid. And my kids see not what I say, but what I do!
I had to teach and lecture them repeatedly, again and again, why celebrating Halloween is not for us or why wearing spaghetti strap or sleeveless dresses is not proper. And friends it does make sense: How can you let your children do something until about 8 to 10 years of age thinking oh they’re just children and then one day just tell them they can’t do it anymore. You see those little minds do not see the justification here and they are not wrong. If something is wrong, it must be wrong from day 1. Then why were they allowed to do it or follow it till now and why is there a sudden halt.
By the way the above lines only stand true for some of us, while for others Halloween is just about candy and having fun and being part of the world we live in, for the rest of their lives and it is perfectly okay. I am no one to judge. To each their own!
For the candy part, I try to make it up to them. Every party at home, any sleep-over, any occasion, I try and keep extra desserts and candies for their little tummies and eyes. And I let them drown in those, never keeping a tab on those special occasions so they never feel “Oh we did not get enough”
I am no religious scholar, neither I feel my knowledge is perfect. Yet I am an individual with my own opinion and belief about everything. I have two beautiful well behaved kids that the world praises for their manners and etiquettes, who are not picky eaters, who are in bed when most of the kids their age are still in front of the television, who are known for their wit and intelligence so there must be something that I am doing right. And this is just one of the lessons that I taught them and thought of sharing.
Since birth I have a little issue, a teeny tiny bug that always reined me towards the paths less travelled. I always found different things better. The price tag(read obstacles, hardships) was not the matter, never was. It was always the worth of that different thing for me that made me steer into that direction, regardless of the opposing forces.
Okay enough bragging Amber…
This Ramadan had been a very very busy one, thanks to my 18 month old little labbittt who has this unending, never tiring, not to mention unnerving energy to keep the chores coming in for me. I still managed to do doe crafts and test my skills.
Every year for Eid I try to offer my cake-shop customers something new, something unique, something different. It works for me both ways. One that my customers are happy to find goodies that are otherwise rare or entirely unavailable at other places. Second, I make extra batches and keep them for family and friends so they enjoy a different treat every time. And above all, I get to hear “My mom is the bestest baker with the bestest idea” and trust me nothing beats that!
So while I was on my mission to explore, create or remake something different, I sought help from Google Mamoo(Mom’s brother) As always Mamoo Jan did not disappoint me and brought me a horde of different images and recipes. But I was still looking for something different, yet easy because my baby-yes that says it all.
I had time constraint, plus the energy constraint as the hot summer fasts were about 17-18 hours long and for a person like me who misses about 70% of the sehris, it was a difficult task when mixed with other chores.
And then I struck gold. While I was going through the same colourfully designed cookies that are hours of back breaking labor and delicate crafting, I came across this amazing love-at-first-sight treasure box kind of cookies. The ones that are sure to spark excitement as they slide those little basked lids and smiles when they actually reach those candies tucked inside! Its a win!
You know Eid for Muslims is like Christmas for Christians. Damn I sound such mommy-like.Well, living in a foreign land, it sometimes gets really difficult for parents like myself to keep our children focused. They see all these glamorous and sparkling festivals like Easter and Halloween and Christmas-thanks to the Corporate cycle though. And we tell them, we celebrate Eid. Okay what is Eid Mamma? Oh that boring day back home where you spend the entire Chaand raat either getting Mehndi(Henna) done or just having fun on the streets, and then you offer Salah in the morning and then hit the sack for the entire day. Then wake up in the evening and go see some relatives or eat out etc?
Nay!!
We got to make sure that our Eid here is as sparkly and shiny as our neighbours Christmas or Halloween is. To tell them little minds that ours is a beautiful religion and it gives us all the more chance to celebrate all the beautiful festivals just like any other religion.
So we here, thousands of kilometres away from our roots, try to make every possible effort to make their faith strong and their identity positive, while still maintaining their innocence and happiness. Since I always tell them that Eid is like our Christmas, hence the presence of all the shiny wrapped presents and if not then something that is close. Which is why the thought of these baked beauties just made my day!
I got small braided baskets from Dollarama and lined those with gold coloured paper. I placed the cookies inside and left it uncovered so when the baskets were handed over, the kids were actually jumping to explore whats wrapped inside the treasure boxes. Unfortunately I could not get proper pictures of the finished baskets but just this random one from my iPhone that I took to send to hubby and even that I forgot to send to him.
Well yes I was born in a Desi household, amidst hordes of relatives. We lived in a joint family system. My mother had 9 siblings and my father had 10- Yes I know but they say they did not have TV in those times, hence no other entertainment- If you know what I mean!
Only my uncle and paternal grandparents lived with us, but then there was a never ending party at home and everyone was kind of always present. So my childhood and tween years introduced me to many different versions of aunts and uncles and cousins. And then of course the extended families that spice up the scenario further.
Most in my list are not so positive characters but then that is my personal opinion and my list. Yours might be different and better or worse-who knows!
1- Always-there-for you sister:
If there is one blessing in form of a blood relation, after mother, it definitely has to be a sister. I am the eldest of the ONLY four children of my parents. My sister even though younger, is the smarter and calm one, while I have always been the emotional and impulsive one. Matters of heart, love or anything else, she is my one stop solution. We have our fair share of arguments and quarrels but then what is a relationship without that? Ive personally witnessed women, paternal and maternal aunts, my cousins who would not hesitate to suck the better life out of a sister of theirs; who would selfishly leave the weak one on a side and carry on with the ones that suit their lives. I guess it is because of what they learn from their mothers, and i know what I did from mine.
2-Annoying Brother:
Aren’t they always annoying? Lets move on.
3- The Always-Behind-Your-Back Cousin:
Yes? The same one you thought of. Who would always wear the exact or almost exact replica of what you wore in the last party and with amicable resistance, express how our outfits are so similar. Or who would write their profiles with exactly same details as yours and when you inquire when did you go to this school or bought this cell phone or learnt to drive or had this love-affair, they would remind you that you are jealous of them and that they been on this stuff for ages!
4-The Know-It-All Cousin:
So there are so many different varieties of them. All sizes and packages. This is the one who writes “tat” for “that”, “ov” for “of” and “thankew” for “thank you”. You dare to correct them and they dish out their envy and ignorance upon you, labelling you jealous. You talk to them in Urdu and they respond in English(their version of it of course) They also prefer to ignore all the fame and fortune that comes your way because acknowledgement of it would only make them lesser of a person that is beyond their tolerance. Pretentious much? I so want to laugh!
5-The Materialistic Cousin:
“Oh I love that lipstick-can I have it?” “When you are done with this dress, its gonna be mine okay?” “Oh this stand needs to be wiped before I put these things here-” You turn around and they are gone. Exactly that type!
6-The Absolutely Fascinated Cousin:
If it was possible, they’d make an idol of you and start worshipping it. This type sees only the good in you, beyond good rather. You’re a role model for them and they just want to be you.
7-The Secretive Cousin:
She pretends she is your best friend; then one day you find out its her second child’s first birthday and you’re like what?
8- The Mirror-Image Aunt:
Of course she is an aunt so she can not copy your dress or shoes or jewellery so she tries to make up for it for all the rest of the things. What your children do, what set of glasses in your kitchen, what kind of hutch in the living room?
9- The Always-There-For-You Aunt:
She may be mean, outspoken and always angry but you get into any trouble and she is the first one to always reach. Call her what ever but this overcomes everything else.
10-The Dreaming-Of-A-Perfect-DIL Aunt:
Since you were a child, you always got special attention from her. More and better presents, love, attention, special introductions at parties-You name it. And it was only when you realized this affection was because of the eligible bachelor cousin at your Aunt’s place who was a perfect prospect for you!
11- The Crying Aunt:
No her tears are not because she is emotional. She cries because she can not bear to see your splendid new house, or glittering diamonds or fearless ride. So she cries!
12-The Always-Sick Aunt:
No its not making fun of any one who is sick. But this one has the same excuse for everything. From why she eats different(better) food than the rest of the family to why she has put on lumps of fat: the answer is always because she is sick and hence she also gets all the multivitamins-Irony!
13- The Crackhead Uncle:
“Oh uncle I got a gold-medal and an amazing job offer from Microsoft”
“Well these days it is so easy to get a gold medal. Ours were the times when one had to work hard. And what ever is Microsoft?”
14-The Free-Bit-Of-Advice Uncle:
You talk about wanting to eat an orange in front of him and he starts about the cost, advantages, disadvantages, dos and don’ts of orange. You would simply want to never even think about orange again!
15-Devil’s advocate uncle/brother:
They attend the services at the local place of worship regularly and talk about faith and belief and how to dress appropriately and how to help others so they ought to right in whatever they are doing. Guess what? They are not. Because no matter what they preach, they sure do not practice it themselves and it is obvious.
But then the one thing that my mother always used to refer to:
And fear Allah through Whom you demand, and (do not cut the relations of) womb (kinship, blood relations)
Last night as I prepared these red velvet cupcakes, the girls asked if they could watch O’Canada on YouTube. I put it on, and guess what? I got the same goosebumps; just like the ones that I always get when the national anthem of Pakistan is played. Does that mean I am Canadian now? Does that mean the new bill C-24 poses no threat to me? Does that mean my vacation travels and tax information would not be shared? Oh well, lets not talk about all that at least today. Happy Canada Day 🇨🇦
May our maple syrup gets sweeter (and pure), may our Tim Hortons gets stronger, may our poutine get richer, may our oil sands remain oilier, may our moose remain loved, may our winters grow shorter, may our summers are happier(and affordable), may our sports get some attention by the rulers and not by selling mittens, may the diversity continues to grow, may the tolerance becomes equal for every one-Amen!
I live in Canada. And the moment I say “Canada”, snow and cold is the first word that comes to mind. We have extreme temperatures here about 9 months a year and even in those three months that we call summer, weather is never reliable. We dance when the weather hits double digits, and 16 degrees is like Ooo La La!
July 1st evening has never been the same; I remember going to see fireworks with n extra hoodie on because the weather is chilly. Yes on July 1st!
During winter, temperatures in my region reach to -30 and -40. And this is nothing compared to further northern provinces where these are not extreme but regular temperatures. Yet life goes on!
As soon as the weather is forecasted, city governments announce Extreme Cold Weather alerts which means that shelters and warm centres are open and accessible for the homeless and the poor.
The communities help each other. even my lovely neighbours offer to blow our snow when there is a snow storm and its impossible for one person to clean the drive way.
Yes we pay taxes, and then those taxes are spent on situations like these to help keep things running. Its not an ideal world, it has its own flaws and corruption and politics and what not.
Yet when I saw the picture above, I was short of words…..
I am a Karachiite, and I love Karachi. This is the city that feeds millions all over the country, regardless of their ethnicity, culture, religion or race. The resilient people living here have seen things like street crimes, gang wars, political fights, load-shedding and what not. We are the people, who when hear that a storm is about to hit our coast, run to Clifton to see where the storm is coming from and how. We get married and bury our loved ones in the shade of gunfire, explosives and curfew. Everyone who wants power claims he loves Karachi.
Yet when it comes to situations like this heat wave that has swallowed about 700 plus lives in 3 days and that even the local media here in Toronto and global media is giving full coverage in prime time, Karachi is no body’s business. Everyone tries to push Karachi in someone else’s court and everyone runs away. Karachi becomes a prostitute for these shameless creatures called our rulers who want to have all the fun with her, but do not want to own her! If it were not for the brave and courageous people of Karachi, who are always all by themselves when it comes to situations like these, Karachi would not be the same!
I have also spent few years in Dubai and I know what and how 47-48 degrees feel like. But I guess even the Arabs that we always so keenly make fun of, have some respite and humanity. They work evening or night hours, when the mercury goes down a bit. Air conditioners and cold water is everybody’s basic right. Well kind of as I have also seen poor expats working with charcoal and cement in that scorching sun.
And then to top it off the holy month of Ramadan. Where the ordinary people do not know that Islam is not asking you to kill yourself in the name of pleasing Allah. If you’re sick or fear of being sick (Read heat stroke) do not fast.
Plus in Ramadan, everything, i.e., milk, yogurt, ice, fruits, electricity and hence water either disappear from the markets or are out of reach of the common people. So imagine fasting while living on the Sun!
I had been reading so many Do’s and Dont’s about this heatwave, so I thought its going to be a good idea if I sum those up in here. I googled couple of these and found some on Twitter.
Stop/break fast. Allah is the ever merciful; He knows!
Heat stroke is the most serious form of heat injury and is considered a medical emergency.
People over 50 are most at risk, although anyone can be affected because of improper ventilation, dehydration or chronic ailments.
Throbbing headache, dizziness, lack of sweating despite the heat, nausea and vomiting, rapid heartbeat & breathing, behavioral changes such as confusion, disorientation and unconsciousness are but some symptoms of Heat stroke. DO NOT IGNORE!
If some one or yourself have any of these, fan air while wetting skin with water.
Apply ice packs to armpits, groin, neck, and back. Because these areas are rich with blood vessels close to the skin, cooling them may reduce body temperature.
RUSH to the hospital. And try not to take the entire family as the Emergency rooms are already crowded.
Keep an eye on elderly neighbours and try to check about their well being.
House maids, servants and drivers are humans too. Try to schedule them during late or early hours of the day, hand them some water bottles before they leave and let them use that air conditioner that is otherwise not allowed!
There are many people who are doing volunteer work on their own. Find someone and if nothing then at least get some cold water bottles to the nearest local hospital. It doesn’t have to be mineral water. Even clean, boiled tap water would do. Remember every good deed is multiplied many times in this holy month!
I called my father as he is old and alone and I am concerned about his well being. And he goes, ” I am okay, you people stay indoors, its hot over there I’ve learned so take care of my babies!”
So basically he was telling me not to worry for him in 47 degrees without water and electricity while I should watch for myself and children as it was 25 degrees in GTA today. Parents are always parents!
My own sister had some serious diarrhoea and nausea last night. After I finish these lines, I am going to call her.
