I’ve been trying to stay focused, but certain things are determined at the time of our birth, in our genes and being bound is certainly not in mine. Have always been a rebel by nature; curiosity killing the heck out of me, so while certain things remain my forte(Or so I like to think) I still want to poke my nose or my leg in to everything that comes my way!
So coming back, visiting a relative over the weekend, I came across an interesting debate, that I couldn’t resist to write about. My aunt very excitedly told me about her son’s admission in the Islamic school for the coming session. And while I congratulated her, over the tea, her husband very frankly expressed his side of the things. which eventually turned into an argument, and by the end of the conversation, there were practically two groups in the room; the uncle and myself, and everybody else.
Living life abroad, in the western world is a really tough one I tell you. Add to it raising kids and you are sitting on a pile of dynamite- one wrong click and poof- All will be smoke and ash.
An irony that most of the Pakistani families overseas face is looking for an identity. Interestingly, no other community faces the same situation like ours. Being the emotional ones that we are, we always look back and hardly let go.Life is like a boomerang for most. Destination number one for vacations is Pakistan. So many WHAT IFS and BUTS haunt them. Live here but never adopt life in here. Hardly eat out, social life equals to none, and the scariest of all-how to teach your family what is faith?
Still I look around myself and find people stressing on the memorization of Quranic verses, saying Bismillah (Start in the name of God) before meal and Alhamdulillah (Thank God) at the end. But its confusing for me to see these same people never teaching empathy, care, flexibility and the importance of sharing. These very same people shout, scream and even hit some one if they don’t find things their way. Who to blame?
Born and raised in Karachi-the city of lights, in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, I was never forced to do anything I wouldn’t want to. As the first child of the family, and then the first from the maternal side, I always enjoyed undivided love and attention. I was sent to the newly wed daughter-in-law of our neighbor at the tender age of three, She taught me Quran and also almost all the other arts & skills that people now term as old-fashioned. Sewing, stitching, crafting, crocheting and what not. By the time I was seven and a half, not only I had finished reading the Quran, but was also a pro in all these things. The school that I attended had compulsory periods for prayers, and Quran was taught as a subject in all grades with tafseer and tajweed. So yes my knowledge of the religion was a bit more than my peers (Bragging much?)
And while I was getting to know my religion, I also participated in every other thing that came my way-science projects, school theatre, debates, quiz, drawing, painting, playing squash at the provincial level-the list is long. And yes, all the while balancing religion with ever thing else. That is how my mother raised me. Though exceptions were there, but I generally saw and observed moderate behaviors. Almost all of my childhood and the teen years were denim-clad and as a typical Pakistani girl I was always judged more for my appearance and less for what I am as a person.Yet I never saw, even for once, the fear in the eyes of my parents-one that I, very often see in the eyes of expats or immigrants living outside Pakistan.
I reached college and still I would roam around freely with the confidence and trust of my parents. I started my professional life, traveled all over the world, attended workshops, seminars; taught people, shopped, sung, dined and laughed. I had my own fair share of fancy manicures, expensive watches, branded accessories and no one raised a brow (Well they did, but not questioning my faith)
I studied in USA, spent some time in London, stayed in Dubai and then moved to Canada. And that’s when my life changed. I felt I moved closer to religion, wanted to learn more, know more. Guess it was part of the process where I was trying to find and keep my own identity in people of all races, all colors. But being religious in no way stops me from shopping or laughing or having fun. Does it?
Now if I indulge in something fancy, I am labeled spendthrift; I start humming a favorite lyric and I am being informed of my weak Iman. I buy a favorite style at Zara and people start telling me my life is a waste!
Hypocrisy thy word I’d use for such attitude. Till some time back, I would get scared with all the thoughts of ending up in hell. Then I researched. It was surprising to see people paying more attention to rituals then the actual spirit of religion. I meet families wearing hijabs and then back biting someone at the same time. I see kids, who know the prayer for stepping out of the house but can’t stand the sight of some other kid watching any other cartoon channel then what they would want to watch-thus lacking tolerance. Its not that all this happens only in Canada or Western countries for that matter, or in Pakistanis. Its just that back home we live amongst people who look like us, talk, like us and probably think like us-well not all of them but in general. Like I mentioned earlier, its more of an identity struggle that people try to adopt ways to look different or be different. Still it’s a personal choice and any individual at any time is free to adopt what suits them. But my point is does only looking like ’something’ or ’someone’ makes us that? Or should our acts, our behavior, our attitude reflect it? Should it not all be absorbed rather than being imposed?
I might be labeled ignorant, but I thank God for not being a hypocrite. As a kid I was taught my values and deep in my heart and my mind, I knew I could do anything but to cross the line and it’s the trust that don’t let people astray. Its not about the fear of being burned in hell but the thought of not being friend with God-There is a huge difference between the two!
Patience and tolerance, empathy and love of God is what should be preached, not only to kids but to the grown ups too. Enlighten them, educate them, and then let them decide what they want out of their life. Who would want their kids to show them their Hijab-covered heads at home and do things in the school backyard later that I don’t want to mention here or even think about. Pressure is never the solution. Not that I am a super-woman who knows everything, but yes, this is something I have observed, researched and learnt. I still am learning, every new day, every new hour.
Someone very dear & wise once told me something which I have kept in my treasure box. Quote “Give’em Roots. Then give them Wings”
