Because tea is love

Ammi(mother) used to say “The color of the perfect tea is golden; just like the color of the skin of almond. Any thing else is not tea!”

I can’t say how many other teachings of her I follow, but this one, I kept in the first shelf of my cabinet of her memories. And perhaps its more of a trigger for me, just like a blessing from her, that I seek refuge in.

I grew up in a typical Pakistani house hold. My mother just loved to cook for us: the best biryani I’ve had till date, the best trifles and not to forget the qeema that I still wish I could learn to cook like her.

The only thing that remained exclusive to and for her was that cup of tea!

We used to order special kind of tea leaves from some shop in the old Karachi city. And no other person, not even our maid was allowed to touch her tea. Twice a day, of which the evening one was her favorite, she would herself, put water in the pot, let it boil, then add tea leaves, sugar, and cover and let it brew for few minutes. Then she’d heat the milk separately, and pour the tea in the cup, add milk, stir and sit in the corner and sip and enjoy her little magic potion.

And yes- we, as children, were not allowed to have tea. So until about 9th or 10th grade, tea was not much of a thing for me.

As I grew up, I learnt how to cook. I am a foodie myself, so didn’t take much of an effort. Yet for some reason, I could not get the tea right. By this time, I was also occasionally honored to make tea for Ammi. Too strong, too light, too meh. So after every attempt, I would tell myself not to try it again.

My college days were where I actually started liking tea. When preparing for exams, studying late night, I would ask her to make me tea and she would gladly make two, and bring to me, at which time, both of us would kind of have a break and sit and sip together.

That was the time when I used to think one can’t fall asleep after having a cup of tea. My mamoo(maternal uncle) would always have tea right before hitting the sack and I would think how on earth? Of course now I only laugh at the thought of this thought as now my day ends with a hot cuppa tea, just flipping channels in my corner of the house.

It wasn’t really until I started working that I started having tea. There were meetings, workshops, seminars and being a Pakistani tradition, tea was always part of these.

When I’d come back from work, or on a weekend, some times my sister would make tea, and I still remember Ammi saying “It does not taste like tea-its tastes like dirty socks!”

Good old days….

Dubai was when and where I actually discovered or say rediscovered my love for tea. I would watch people enjoying this weird mixture of water, sugar and flavored evaporated milk, with a hint of tea leaves in the name of tea. Nightmare!

I even witnessed one part water, three parts of milk and sugar, with a teabag floating somewhere in that liquid, being called tea.

Tastes can vary and every one has the right to enjoy what ever they like. But calling alien mixtures tea is injustice and for the love of tea I just can not bear it.

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Image courtesy :SaeenKaPage

I know there are so many different variations of tea even in that one part of the world from where I come- some like tea with milk/cream, some just black, some with no sugar while some with sugar and some like my brother too much sugar or say tea in sugar. Then there is this famous Pathan ki chai which is usually found in a small shabby roadside cafe, very strong and brewed for hours. And as so many go by the trend only, so the Masala chai is also ‘IN’ these days, wherein a lot of different spices such as cardamom, cinnamon, cloves etc are added to the tea.

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Image Courtesy: @FurSid

But like someone once told me in Colombo, Sri Lanka, until you brew the fragrant tea leaves in water and let it stand few minutes, how can you call it tea?

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My household, the first utensil I bought was a proper steam kettle. it makes that sound like a steam engine when ready, and its shiny and I love it just like a little girl loves her doll!

Most likely it is because of my mother’s love for tea, or because the man in my life also loves tea and so it is double the bond or may be it is just my own liking.

Of course its not the same every where I go, so when out I prefer coffee because my tea tantrums are not tolerable for and by most. Even when sick or bed ridden, the only thing I do not and would not compromise for is my cup of tea.

And I believe so I say “The color of the perfect tea is golden; just like the color of the skin of almond. Any thing else is not tea!”

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Do not fear Allah(SWT)

Once again, the same old rants of mine….

First its about the weather, and trust me when I say it…. This morning it felt like part of some post-apocalyptic, dark cold corner of the planet, typical Hollywood movie style, bitter cold, blowing snow, less people, more clothes(No rags though)

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Today is the coldest day of the winter so far, with temperatures as low as -18 or -20 in some regions, and feeling like -30 to -35. God Almighty help us as January has just begun. February please do not be harsh and mean on us. May all of us and our loved ones stay protected and safe.

 

And now what actually prompted me to scribble these lines…. I am part of these amazing women, or say Muslim women groups on Facebook. You want to find a good cleaning lady, a carpenter, you want to know the best eateries in town, you want to talk about your health issues, seek guidance for education or want to know how to potty train your toddler; you’d find instant help, contacts, remedies, guidance- you name it!

BUT there is no such thing as free lunch and so even this one comes with a price tag that says “Being judged”

As Muslim immigrants, we are always trying to settle ourselves in the West, trying to balance our traditions and values with the fast paced life. Thanks to Canada and its beautiful people, I feel accepted, my beliefs respected, my values appreciated. And let me tell you: Canada is the most multicultural place Ive seen.

But there is some degree of intolerance that I still feel. No, not from the people of West, but mostly those from my own country, or from those who share the same beliefs as mine.

I post a question and I get stomped by judgmental comments, I post a note and get hurled by insults and what is all so NOT right in what I wrote, and how angry I made Allah (SWT) by writing or asking something or how I disrespected my own country of birth or how for goodness’ sake I do not deserve to live in Canada. My fellow women, my fellow Muslim women, my fellow Pakistani Muslim women? Seriously? You think scaring me from the wrath of Allah(SWT) would do any good? You think advising me on how to raise children when I only quote a 5 year old’s innocent dialogue would do any good? You think bashing, bickering and ridiculing me and many like myself on what we eat, wear, watch, buy, talk would do you or anyone else, any good?

Take a deep breathe ladies; inhale and exhale. You’re not the godsend Messiah!

I always encourage and try to find facts about what we do in our day to day life. It is my responsibility to share something good or knowledgeable. But if I share that having Iced Cappuccino from Tim Hortons is okay for me, despite the fact that it carries nth of alcohol as part of the vanilla flavoring, why would you label me Kaafir? Or if I share an event that I am planning at Moxie’s, why would you call it Haraam (Forbidden)? Who gave you the license to judge me? To label me? To ridicule my choices?

This is not the Islam I know. The Islam I know is the religion of love. You do not need fear and threats to spread it. If so, then what is the difference between you and those relentless creatures who killed innocent school children in the name of religion in Peshawar or who shot 12 innocent people dead this morning in Paris? If they are terrorists, so are you.

I came across this beautiful post by Brother Omar Suleiman and I think it perfectly relates.

Teach yourself first and then you children; Do not fear Allah(SWT) to be close to Him; love Him and He will be closer than you can imagine!

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اے نئے سال

A beautiful piece by famous poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz on New Year. Did not want to spoil the magic of Urdu language, hence posting as it is (Without translation)

Happy new year 2015 and happy reading!

اے نئے سال بتا تجھ میں نیا پن کیا ہے

ھر طرف خلق نے کیوں شور مچا رکھا ہے

روشنی دن کی وہی تاروں بھری رات وہی

آج ہم کو نظر آتی ہے ہر ایک بات وہی

آسماں بدلا ہے افسوس نہ بدلی ہے زمیں

ایک ہندسے کا بدلنا کوئی جدت تو نہیں

اگلے برسوں کی طرح ہوں گے قرینے تیرے

کسے معلوم نہیں بارہ مہینے تیرے

جنوری فروری اور مارچ میں پڑے گی سردی

اور اپریل،مئی اور جون میں ہوگی گرمی

تیرا من دہر میں کچھ کھوئے گا کچھ پائے گا

اپنی میعاد بَسَر کر کے چلا جائے گا

تو نیا ہے تو دِکھا صبح نئی، شام نئی

ورنہ اِن آنکھوں نے دیکھے ہیں نئے سال کئی

بے سبب لوگ دیتے ہیں کیوں مبارک بادیں

غالباً بھول گئے وقت کی کڑوی یادیں

تیری آمد سے گھٹی عمر جہاں سے سب کی

فیض نے لکھی ہے یہ نظم نرالے ڈھب کی

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Once Again

Its around this time, every year, when I get into this strange kind of mood- Highly sensitive and equally numb…. Just words and visuals echoing in my ears and flashing in my eyes….

Been three years now, and it is as if my biological clock is programmed to work that way…. I may not remember the dates, I may not remember the day or time, yet at this specific moment, every year, the same demons resurface… Depression, anger, regrets, pain and so much more…. And it is because of these things that I realize it is Nov 26th today- The day I last spoke to my most beloved mother; in anger, assuming she had no time to wish me a day before for my wedding anniversary. I threw a tantrum and hung up the phone on her, thinking she would call back, which she never did, because the angels from heaven never gave her the chance to.

The next thing I remember is the call from my sister asking if I spoke to Ammi (mother). And then a never ending series of events, that just lead to the one incident,which left a hole in my heart, the size of Jupiter, and the characteristics of Sun– centre, burning, hurting, painful.

She was my mentor, my guide, my teacher, my fashion designer, my critique, my guard, the best cook in the world(That now I am called by mine), my best friend to the extent that I never had any best friend, never needed one in her presence. My first love and I was her pride-her blue eyed baby. My siblings would complain that even the love you have for the rest of us is not equal to the love you have for Amber alone. Lucky me! Her love for me was so deep and profound that she never even discussed her 3 year long battle with Adenocarcinoma and the effects of it on her beautiful, short life of just 51 years, as she knew it would worry me.

She cared enough to make sure I keep getting the same love by sending me her replica in the form of a special angel.

No words I say or write can ever put the pain in words. Thinking of her still makes me feel like a child in need of a warm hug from her mother!

Needless to say her absence makes even the happiest of moments, the saddest.

May she rest in peace in the best gardens of Jannah(Heaven)- Aameen

On her 3rd death anniversary….

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In the land of Gibberish

God created angels…. This universe, the galaxy, the sun, the planets, the moons, stars… He then moved on to creating this world, the mountains, the oceans , the rivers, the animals, the birds…. All the objects, all the creations worshipped and praised God but still something was missing…. And then Man was created…. He was given the key of this world and was sent here… What was so different between the Man and the rest of God’s creation? One little thing that made Man different from all the rest was that Man could communicate….

Still that was not enough…. So God sent messengers and Prophets….. And just to reflect on the need of communication, he sent with them books that are gates to knowledge and to almost everything that was and is part of this universe.

Effective-Communication

Suppose you are a layman, whose first language is English and for some reason, by some chance, for work, pleasure, for studies, you land in a remote Chinese village, and you need a spoon and unfortunately there’s not even a single person who knows the E of English-What are you going to do? Wait a minute; you can just show them a picture of a spoon and they’d understand because communication is not, is not just limited to words. Its a universal phenomenon!

We are always communicating-Words being the least significant of all of it. What we see or what others see in us is a visual form of communication, just like the spoon in China. And at times its only a touch, a warm hug, a newborn’s first cry that says it all. Watching “Breaking Bad” and just when Walter is about to jump off the cliff, there is a break and we see a series of commercials- That is communication at its best, advertising, touching all our visual, audio, kinaesthetic modalities in one rhythm. In a nutshell, communication is a product of our thoughts, actions and feelings working together.

How the person or object at the receiving end conceives or perceives our stimuli is relative. When a child cries out loud asking for another candy, in his mind he is trying to communicate his right to have the best available thing in the whole word, while the mother, in her own mind, denying that right, is doing a favor by not compromising over her child’s well being. A husband, miles away from home, abruptly ends the conversation with a good night text, in his mind he is showing his anger, while for the wife he is trying to deny her of her right to argue and ask. When a student slams the door, he is actually embarrassed of being picked so randomly of a bunch of mischievous pupils, while the teacher can not see the most brilliant student wasting his intelligence.

Its all communication; and its all relative and its all that we do-whether its vague or clear, whether its loud or not, whether it is active or passive, through words, actions, signs, through I love yous and I miss yous, through touches, hugs and kisses, through tears and laughters, through colours, fragrances, numbers; through attitudes, behaviours and through silence.

And what happens when there is no communication? Nothing, just a vaccum…. Because ONLY dead people do not communicate!

 

 

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TO IMPOSE OR TO ABSORB?

I’ve been trying to stay focused, but certain things are determined at the time of our birth, in our genes and being bound is certainly not in mine. Have always been a rebel by nature; curiosity killing the heck out of me, so while certain things remain my forte(Or so I like to think) I still want to poke my nose or my leg in to everything that comes my way!

So coming back, visiting a relative over the weekend, I came across an interesting debate, that I couldn’t resist to write about. My aunt very excitedly told me about her son’s admission in the Islamic school for the coming session. And while I congratulated her, over the tea, her husband very frankly expressed his side of the things. which eventually turned into an argument, and by the end of the conversation, there were practically two groups in the room; the uncle and myself, and everybody else.

Living life abroad, in the western world is a really tough one I tell you. Add to it raising kids and you are sitting on a pile of dynamite- one wrong click and poof- All will be smoke and ash.

An irony that most of the Pakistani families overseas face is looking for an identity. Interestingly, no other community faces the same situation like ours. Being the emotional ones that we are, we always look back and hardly let go.Life is like a boomerang for most. Destination number one for vacations is Pakistan. So many WHAT IFS and BUTS haunt them. Live here but never adopt life in here. Hardly eat out, social life equals to none, and the scariest of all-how to teach your family what is faith?

Still I look around myself and find people stressing on the memorization of Quranic verses, saying Bismillah (Start in the name of God) before meal and Alhamdulillah (Thank God) at the end. But its confusing for me to see these same people never teaching empathy, care, flexibility and the importance of sharing. These very same people shout, scream and even hit some one if they don’t find things their way. Who to blame?

IDENTITY-MIND-MAP

Born and raised in Karachi-the city of lights, in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, I was never forced to do anything I wouldn’t want to. As the first child of the family, and then the first from the maternal side, I always enjoyed undivided love and attention. I was sent to the newly wed daughter-in-law of our neighbor at the tender age of three,  She taught me Quran and also almost all the other arts & skills that people now term as old-fashioned. Sewing, stitching, crafting, crocheting and what not. By the time I was seven and a half, not only I had finished reading the Quran, but was also a pro in all these things. The school that I attended had compulsory periods for prayers, and Quran was taught as a subject in all grades with tafseer and tajweed. So yes my knowledge of the religion was a bit more than my peers (Bragging much?)

And while I was getting to know my religion, I also participated in every other thing that came my way-science projects, school theatre, debates, quiz, drawing, painting, playing squash at the provincial level-the list is long. And yes, all the while balancing religion with ever thing else. That is how my mother raised me. Though exceptions were there, but I generally saw and observed moderate behaviors. Almost all of my childhood and the teen years were denim-clad and as a typical Pakistani girl I was always judged more for my appearance and less for what I am as a person.Yet I never saw, even for once, the fear in the eyes of my parents-one that I, very often see in the eyes of expats or immigrants living outside Pakistan.

I reached college and still I would roam around freely with the confidence and trust of my parents. I started my professional life, traveled all over the world, attended workshops, seminars; taught people, shopped, sung, dined and laughed. I had my own fair share of fancy manicures, expensive watches, branded accessories and no one raised a brow (Well they did, but not questioning my faith)

I studied in USA, spent some time in London, stayed in Dubai and then moved to Canada. And that’s when my life changed. I felt I moved closer to religion, wanted to learn more, know more. Guess it was part of the process where I was trying to find and keep my own identity in people of all races, all colors. But being religious in no way stops me from shopping or laughing or having fun. Does it?

Now if I indulge in something fancy, I am labeled spendthrift; I start humming a favorite lyric and I am being informed of my weak Iman. I buy a favorite style at Zara and people start telling me my life is a waste!

Hypocrisy thy word I’d use for such attitude. Till some time back, I would get scared with all the thoughts of ending up in hell. Then I researched. It was surprising to see people paying more attention to rituals then the actual spirit of religion. I meet families wearing hijabs and then back biting someone at the same time. I see kids, who know the prayer for stepping out of the house but can’t stand the sight of some other kid watching any other cartoon channel then what they would want to watch-thus lacking tolerance. Its not that all this happens only in Canada or Western countries for that matter, or in Pakistanis. Its just that back home we live amongst people who look like us, talk, like us and probably think like us-well not all of them but in general. Like I mentioned earlier, its more of an identity struggle that people try to adopt ways to look different or be different. Still it’s a personal choice and any individual at any time is free to adopt what suits them. But my point is does only looking like ’something’ or ’someone’ makes us that? Or should our acts, our behavior, our attitude reflect it? Should it not all be absorbed rather than being imposed?

I might be labeled ignorant, but I thank God for not being a hypocrite. As a kid I was taught my values and deep in my heart and my mind, I knew I could do anything but to cross the line and it’s the trust that don’t let people astray.  Its not about the fear of being burned in hell but the thought of not being friend with God-There is a huge difference between the two!

Patience and tolerance, empathy and love of God is what should be preached, not only to kids but to the grown ups too. Enlighten them, educate them, and then let them decide what they want out of their life. Who would want their kids to show them their Hijab-covered heads at home and  do things in the school backyard later that I don’t want to mention here or even think about. Pressure is never the solution. Not that I am a super-woman who knows everything, but yes, this is something I have observed, researched and learnt. I still am learning, every new day, every new hour.

Someone very dear & wise once told me something which I have kept in my treasure box. Quote “Give’em Roots. Then give them Wings”

The roots of being tolerant, being patient, being empathetic, being believers-being human. They will grow their own wings. Is that wrong??

Image courtesy: http://mslangleysyear11englishclass.wikispaces.com/Identity+%26+Belonging

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High on baking….

Its been quite some time since I last sat and scribbled something new…. Guess the weather is taking its toll on me….From the never stopping, ongoing, pulsating, vibrating, and exciting, not to forget hot and humid Karachi to the spine-chilling, cold, gloomy, quiet Toronto-the difference speaks for itself….Just sometimes one has to decide, based on not what the heart says (Yes in my case its sometimes) but what the mind says or better yet what someone, who is a piece of your heart, wants….for no rhyme or reason of your own!

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Karachi
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Toronto

Here I am braving the temperatures, way below the freezing mark, waiting just to be back….. And before I start again on Karachi, or some tweet distracts me or my phone rings, let me just stick to what I planned….

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One of the first fondant cakes: Made for a surprise bridal shower

I had never been a baking person…Never loved baked goodies, never felt like doing it myself…. And then I met this woman….who was high on baking…She WAS a friend…Mind the WAS! She would bring me amazing baked stuff, and would talk about baking all the time. She always wanted to join these cake decorating classes that another friend of hers had gone to, and she was all ga-ga about it.

Then one day she called and asked me to join the class with her. Infact she told me that I have to. Being the kind of friends we were and just to try it out, I enrolled for the class, shopped enthusiastically for the basics. Found out just days before the first session that she had to leave for UK because of some emergency. Without much of a choice, I attended the first session, only to fall endlessly in love with this new form of art, so much so that even after two years, I am still looking for new classes, new designs and an opportunity to learn!

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Alice in Wonderland cake and cupcakes

I remember the first time I baked a cake, it was over-baked, and hard and lacked this thing called “taste”. Same goes for the first cake that I iced and well “decorated”…. Duhhhhhh!!! Horribly sweet icing, unrecognizable pattern though I used a stencil to copy it and most of all-even I couldn’t tell if it was a circle or an oval shaped cake.

Well I got better at decorating out of my pure interest- And now I had this new issue: I was a soon-to-be pro at decorating but horrible at baking!

This time around though, I could not go to any school because of time and commitment issues. So I thought of giving it a try at home. And as Aristotle said “For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.”

So I just practiced, not skipping a single opportunity to bake, treating everyone around with my baked goodies on birthdays, holidays, Eid, Christmas parties, Easter, and what not, even without being asked for it.

Well, it worked. It worked a great deal to help sharpen and improve my skills. And two years later, I bake, and I get paid, and I get paid fairly good. Good because I can buy new decorating stuff, try new moulds, indulge in expensive brands for ingredients and so on… I bought a pantry exclusively for my caking stuff, but now one entire room is already spilling and I need more space…My teacher always says “When you become a cake decorator, you become a hoarder.” And I guess rightly so. 5 to 6 different tools to make one single petal of a flower. Visualize for a minute those multi-tiered cakes and fancy cupcakes and then imagine the tools and material required for each.

Baking and decorating for me is now more of a passion. When I am busy, am all drowned in flour, tinted in colors and I work straight 16 to 20 hours, sometimes even more. But end of the day, its the result, that custom designed cake, that gives me the sense of owner ship of each master-piece. Makes me high-it does!

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