Amber Hasan – Page 2 – Just an iota of what goes through my mind!

Amber Writings, Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Lifestyle, Pakistan, Thoughts

8 Things Pakistani-Canadians Need To Stop Doing

August 5, 2016 3 Comments

Note: I had great feedback from hundreds of people. Thanks for liking. I have edited and added few points that a lot of you thought should be a part of this. Happy reading!

Okay so I had been busy, like really busy. There was Ramadan, and then summer holidays. So I am just running, running around them, running after them, running for them. And then few things happened, one after the other. So compelling that I had to write about it and about what I felt.

Why I have specially mentioned Canada? Because Canadians are the most kind and friendly people I have ever met. They give you smiles, confidence, ways and rights. If you can’t be good here, then you can not be good any where. Why did I specifically mentioned Pakistanis? Because I am a proud Pakistani and I want my people to be known for their good manners and deeds. Everything starts from within!

1- Acknowledge The Good

Stepping in a mall, a store, a bank, you would definitely come across people who would open and hold doors for you, who would pull things out of your way even if it does not belong to them, who would watch out for your children as you put them back in your car, who would pick up after you in the cashier’s lane when your little one keeps throwing random stuff down and who would call you dirty-faced, crying toddler cute and “oh don’t worry about it”. Learn to say thank you, out loud. We are not entitled to it. I know how my own Pakistani people would react to a veiled woman entering a upscale store in Karachi with a crying toddler. So how these Canadians treat us with respect and dignity should not be taken for granted. They let us wear our veils, they let us pray in public, they let us in their workplaces, they let us have and exercise all our rights and more than we actually can imagine even in our own country. The least we can do is show our gratitude so they continue to do so.

2- Stop Touching

Okay I get it; back in Pakistan we used to shake hands and hug anyone we met and pat shoulders and those flying “muah” in the air and God knows what else and what more. I get it. But this is Canada. Culturally, traditionally, morally much advanced and yet everyone has and needs and wants his/her own space. And we teach our children about good and bad touch, which basically means any touch without their own permission. And still just this past weekend, I was with number 1, number 2 and number 3, and this woman passed by with her teenager and touched number 2’s hair and felt them and shook them, all while passing by in a Walmart isle, talking in the air how lovely these hair are. I mean seriously??? We gotta stop touching. Right now, like right now!

3- Mind That Karhaai

I am a foodie. And I am a Desi foodie. Which basically means I love Haleem and Biryani and Karhaai and Halwa puri and everything else. Which also means I know how much effort is out in, in preparing one such dish. Which also basically means that I am aware of the tempting aroma of our food. Which in reality might not be as tempting for that guy standing next to you in the library or the other woman at the school bus stop or any one else. Be aware of the smell that lives in our clothes. I know there is nothing much one can do about it but at least one can try a change of clothes before stepping out in the middle of frying that onion or perhaps a spray or two of a perfume for the more busy ones.

4- Stop Giving Free Advice

We are responsible for what we do, we are not responsible for what A, B or C is doing/does. And by ‘we’ I meant the people who live in the same household as mine, and that too the little people, not adults. Yes our values from back home, do give us the right to perhaps talk or guide even the adults in some cases, still we can not impose our likes and dislikes on anyone. Free advise comes naturally and effortlessly for us but remember we are in Canada now so try to control.

5- Stop Saying Bad Things About Pakistan

Oh God someone stop me please.

Okay I get it. Perhaps you worked very hard and did not visit any place in Pakistan except for Hyderabad where you lived and applied for immigration and landed in Canada. Or perhaps you got lucky and got married to a Canadian-Pakistani. Whatever the reason, now you are a Canadian, in Canada with a blue passport on the way or in your drawer. That does not in any way gives you the liberty to badmouth the land which actually provided you the opportunity to start in the first place. No other people, no Indians, Sri Lankans, Morrocans, Nigerians, Syrians, Japanese, Chinese, Filipinos, Dutch, Polish, English or any other ones ever say bad things about their own countries, not even the ones who fled from war zones.

I personally know people, which is usually a seven out of ten people, who perhaps have only seen Toronto after Karachi or Lahore and yet they have the audacity to tell me how corrupt Pakistanis are or how unsafe Lahore is or how dirty Karachi is. While they have lived their entire filthy lives in some unnamed neighbourhoods in Pakistan, but since now they are all ‘Goras’ so they can point out the garbage. I just have one thing to say that my Ammi used to say “Jo apni maa ka nahi, wuh kisi ka nahi” (One who does not love his mother, can not love any one else)

6- And Stop Saying Bad Things About Canada

No one forced you to migrate to Canada. You came out of your own free will. You have a world class lifestyle here that is hard to match even if you live a simple life. Air conditioning, heating, clean water, health care and education are provided to you as necessities and not luxuries, and that too of high standard. Yes you pay taxes, but trust me that one trip to the hospital in case of an emergency covers all those taxes. Yes you might not have a maid here and yes I also miss Pakistan but learn to be grateful for all the freedom, independence and respect Canada has given you.

7- Stop Being Judgemental

That girl wearing hijab coming out of the liquor store may not be there to get liquor. That girl with your neighbour’s son might not be his girlfriend but his colleague. Your new friend might not be a slut for hanging out in a club. And even all this that you assumed may be true, what matters more is not what he/she wears or does or goes to, but how he/she treats you and others. So the next time you are in a group of friends or just at the grocery store, try to judge less. You never know whats going on in somebody’s life. Also teach your kids the same. We live in a multicultural society and you and the children should be mentally and psychologically prepared to see very many different types of people who are just as normal as you and I.

8- Stop Littering

If you attended any school in Pakistan at all, you must have been taught “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. I wonder if we only kept it to text books. The Pakistani Consulate in Toronto is an example of what I mean. Why are we so so so dirty? Why can’t we at least keep our surroundings clean? Why can we not clean after ourselves in malls, parks, grocery stores? We live here, our children do and yet we never miss a single chance to mess things up, be it paper, kleenex, wipes, diapers or paan spits or even throwing garbage “in” the Niagara Falls (Personal accounts of friends)… SMH!

Amber Writings, Canada, Children, Desi, Eid, Family, Islam, Lifestyle, Thoughts

What touched my heart today!

July 1, 2016 No Comments

Unlike the common media (racist) perception, Masjids aka mosques are not places of extremism. Okay may be some are, but most are not. We talk more about donations, charity, matrimonial issues and “where did you get this dress from?” then about “Lets kill some non Muslim” or “Lets blow ourselves”

I myself try to avoid masjid because of number 3. The unstoppable restless soul that he is, he does not let me pray in peace and I do not want to spoil other’s Salah too. Hence I avoid.

Today is Juma tul Wida, A very special day which means it is the last Friday of Ramadan. Friday being a special day for believers, and then the last Friday of Ramadan, the most special month, and the last 10 days of the blessed month. What more can one ask for.

Like anyone I know, I also wanted to go. But then what about number 3?

Luckily the closest masjid, which has one of the most pleasant and humble persons as Imam, Syeda Khadija Centre, broadcasts live prayers and sermons.

PM Trudeau at Syeda Khadijah Centre during Ramadan 2015

And today’s sermon by this absolutely gracious man, was so so simple, and so close to my heart, I have previously written about it as well, and so I had to share.

I made number 1 and number 2 sit with me and listen to it as well. And when later I asked them to tell me 1 point each out of what they heard, they could just do it like that. I would leave the religious stuff out of it and would only share the one that is general applicable for us all.

Internet is the biggest terror of our times:

I am a social media junkie. With or without intention, I just keep flipping through pages after pages. And I am sure most of us are. Most of the material on internet is not certified, but presented in a way that it looks more like news then unfiltered information. Parents instead of reading books to their kids or singing lullabies, prefer to hand them a smart phone or tablet that the child is then glued to.

Quote “What happened in Turkey is heart wrenching. No Muslim I know, would even think of doing something as horrendous as blowing himself and in turn taking innocent lives. Turkey is one the very few Muslim countries that have managed to keep balance between religion and modernity. And they kill these innocent people. And we all see these videos of mass brutality on our smartphones and then share them. 50 people die and all we care is to share the video of the suicide bomber. One sister texted me to pray for her son, who left home, saying I do not follow this hateful religion any more and I am leaving it. So she asked him, how do you know it is hateful? Where did you learn about it? Did you go to a scholar? And he replied Internet. So I request all you IT people to help our children and find some substitute. We were a generation of inventors and thinkers. And now we are all limited to consumers.”

Donate what you want for yourself:

I personally know that people around usually give old clothes and shoes and stuff in charity. Old, chipped plates, used toys, stained furniture. Unless it is specifically mentioned, no one gives new, packed stuff. And then we brag “Oh I dropped three garbage bags full of goodies at the donation box” or “Oh All my kids old toys go to the refugees” I have witnessed people actually looking for a toonie at the masjid when the donation box comes when their skin is hardly visible out of all the gold that they are wearing.

“Do not give rotten, basement bound stuff in donation. You have forty thousand dollars extra, lying in your account and your brother’s house is being sold on foreclosure because he could not pay will not help you. Do not give away ripped t-shirt and faded trousers in the name of donation. If you buy your suit from Harry Rosen or Gap or whatever, buy a new t-shirt or a pair of shoes and that would be an acceptable donation. If you like biryani for yourself, do not give away rotten, stale rice to a shelter.”

Amber Writings, Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Lifestyle, parenting, Psychology, Thoughts

How to stay ‘sober’ yet happy, without shopping

April 6, 2016 No Comments

Let me start by a confession: I LOVE SHOPPING….. AND I HAVEN’T SHOPPED IN TWO YEARS!!!!

I love shoes, jewellery, dresses, lipsticks, lamps, glasses, dessert platters, plants. I am an impulsive shopper, which means I shop ‘just because’, not out of need. If I walk inside a store and I see something yellow, I would just pick it up and put it in my cart because I love yellow colour. I just can’t resist things I love!

But people do change (or so they think).

The first time I travelled to Pakistan after a gap of about 6 years, I had 6 allowed bags and 2 extra. One of my bags only had shoes; mine, number 1 and number 2’s.

Only a week after I landed in Karachi, I had realized it was a mistake, as for the rest of the duration of my stay, I only wore my Nike flip flop, which was not only comfortable but also the best defence against sweltering temperatures. My sister as usual had issues with me not wearing my branded, colourful heaps of jewellery and shoes, for she was afraid of me being judged (again) by family and relatives but I reminded her my name and she did get used to me wearing those flip flops with each and every, almost every outfit.

Number 1 & number 2 did get some chance to use their summer dresses well, but again accessories and shoes were only adding to their discomfort, being it their first summer in reality.

When I got back to Canada, there were couple weeks, rather months in between, where I lost track of new and old stuff. I had been preparing for this trip for months and then of course I bought and got stuff in Pakistan too. Hence at times, I would find out brand new stuff, with the labels on, buried deep inside the closet, running a size or two short for number 2, or number 1.

So it was around the beginning of 2014, when I decided I am not shopping. Yes I know it sounds weird, and unbelievable. But imagine the height of my frustration for taking such a big decision, for those who know me, know that shopping is one therapy I love and how fond I am of pretty little stuff and trinkets. BUT i decided nevertheless.

There was no deadline, no plan. I just decided I will not shop until all the current stuff in number 1 & number 2’s closet runs short and mine is all used, at least once.

What followed next were a few months of serious and severe depression, glum and binge eating. Of course this was my mind and body’s defines against this “stupid” decision I had taken.

I would just break the continuity here and share a funny habit. Long time ago, I developed this habit out of need. I would go to the mall, pick up all the stuff I liked, take it all to the fitting room, try it on, and then pick a handful out of those piles that I loved. It is the perfect ‘Dopamine fix‘ for me that not only helped satisfy my craving for all that colour, glitz and style but also cool it down.

Sorry… back to where I was….

For past almost two years, every time I browsed through Zara.com, I would add stuff to my shopping cart and at the end would click every item, zoom in and try to find a similar item in my closet. And every time I did find one, so I would remove that item from my basket and end up with nothing, and a reminder that I have that blue top with the bull head or that long lost turquoise flats that I had almost forgotten.

It was and is not about money, but trust me when I say it; the feeling of peace when you actually take the worn out or old stuff out of closet, when you actually find space, when you feel it organized, when you can put a new outfit together without spending money using the same stuff from the back of the closet that you did not know existed. And this is something big, this means ALOT coming out of this horse’ mouth.

I did not buy a single piece of clothing, any thing for home, any utensils, just nothing. I just kept removing the chipped plates, the ripped clothes, the clothes that kids grew out of. For their pre-loved clothes, I know this super amazing place ‘Weecycled’ where I give their clothes when they grow out of it. They are a consignment based store in Brampton, and carry pre loved clothes and toys as well as new stuff. I have been dealing with them for about 6 years now and am super happy. I know I could give the same clothes to someone in the family or friends and I did try it. Turns out they took the clothes too, and later whined and complained they were not good ‘enough’ so they threw them. Okay…. Alright…. I get it….. So I decided to divide the clothes. One portion I give to donation, the other to Weecycled, and few I keep for memories. Yeh that’s me!

And I did not break my fast, for about two years. No clothes, no shoes, nothing at all. Almost two years for number 1 & number 2 since they badly needed winter clothes for school, and more than two years for myself. I satisfied my cravings by browsing online stores, adding items to my cart, and then analyzing if where would it be used. I love dresses on my little ones, but I specifically asked myself where and how they will wear it since the snow pants make it almost impossible to wear dresses in winter so that leaves only spring/summer. It helped me great deal to put in perspective the need.

And then came this spring. I opened the closet. Clean, spacious, welcoming. It felt so good. Today was the last basket of clothes that I will be dropping off at Weecycled. After this I would need new clothes, and that still depends.

I myself am still fasting. I am using my existing wardrobe, trying to innovate and restructure my stuff in new ways every time and I must say I am loving it. I also realized how much junk I have been carrying all these years, while I only use two pair of jeans and 4 tops on a regular basis. Rest is all the impulse!

I also remember last year when I visited my favourite clothing store in Karachi, they had these new short kurtas on display and while I was checking those, one of the sales staff came to me and mentioned “You don’t need these; you bought all these last time and they have just been shortened in length but all the same”

That was some sincere and honest opinion I loved. I mean one more reason for me to stand firm on my decision. Also my sister and sister in law have been tempting me for past so many months, sending me pictures of branded replicas that would cost less than half the price of the original one. Yet, I stood firm and am still standing firm!

As for the children, trust me it don’t matter to them. As a matter of fact they loved the idea of no shopping and getting money for their clothes so they try to keep their stuff stain free so they get more coins in their coin box.

There is nothing wrong with being smart. Nothing wrong in teaching kids to be smart. Perhaps we just need to try it. And definitely if I can stay sober and sane, so can you!

Amber Writings, Children, Family, Lifestyle, parenting, Thoughts

Let Them Bloom!

January 9, 2016 No Comments

I wake up every morning, turn the alarm off, the next thing in my hands is my phone: I do the same with the alarm, then check Messages(If any), then Twitter for news, then Whatsapp for messages from family and then Facebook for updates. After and when I am done with all this, then only I move. And I hate this!

Okay its alright to stay current and updated with the news, but what on earth am I supposed to do with what someone thousands of miles away from me is eating and feeling while eating. I mean first thing in the morning?

Past couple days, I’d been down and anxious; so much going on and then one morning when I was reading some news on Twitter, number 3 woke up and saw me busy on my iPhone and came close, and held my face and turned it towards him and said ‘ Band Mamma’ (Turn it off Mamma) It happened two consecutive mornings and what did I do? I signed out of all the social media apps on my phone.

There are people in my life, for who Facebook and Whatsapp comes first in their priority list, even before myself. But then I am me!

I have friends and families who have got separate tablets and iPads for their kids, as young as 2. I go for grocery and I see every passing stroller with a kid busy swiping the screen of their smart device. At traffic lights, I see cars and vans, with Dora or Caillou playing on the little television screens. Hospitals, doctor’s offices, shopping malls-9 out of 10 kids I see have some sort of device in their hands, regardless of their age. I mean what is wrong with us?

I remember growing up with only a 5 minute cartoon slot on the national television which was the only screen entertainment for us, that too in a hallway, that was always flooded with Dadi, phuphoos and cousins.

Then things progressed and we started having a 25 minute cartoon, evening 7pm. And that was it. And I am not talking about centuries ago.

Ammi used to pull keep knocking our bedroom doors, if any of us would lock it. We used to have dinner together. We used to talk. We had books to read, newspapers, magazines, puzzles.

And now I get guests, the young guns, that prefer to pull their hoodies on and sit in a corner playing, reading, listening, simply doing something with their smart device, and not socializing with the not-so-smart people in the room.

Personally I feel it is more the parent’s own short comings then anything else. I am not being judgemental; I am just saying what I observe.

Mothers are too busy so it really sounds like a good idea to have a silent baby-sitter with colours and music and pictures playing and keeping the kids entertained. Plus there is a lot of peer pressure. ‘That cousin” have it so I should also have it usually works wonders.

It some how addresses our own underlying, deep rooted complexes as a child-We try to give our children all that we could not get as a kid, without understanding that there was a reason we did not get something, and it was not money (only).

I have a household of three screaming, excited, ultra active human beings. I write and I sew and I bake and I craft and I watch news, dramas and movies; plus the every day household chores. I wash the same dish 15 times a day, because my baby likes to play with the freshly washed one, so I keep redound the same stuff over and over again. I have no help at all and yes I am bragging here. The only screen time my school going children get is 30 minutes, max 45. My baby is not a fan of screens at all. Yes there are times, when the screen time stretches beyond an hour, but that is rare, and extremely uncommon. They have no access to iPad unless they need to do some homework, which is timed and strict. They do not use any computers for any game, activity. I get them books, crosswords from the weekly flyers and newspapers. I asked for my family to send a Ludo so I can play with them.

And when they do nothing, they hover and make me want to run away.

Yes it drives me crazy and some times, it all just gets too much to handle. I am under slept, over tired, over stressed, but I am not ready to trade my children’s innocence for a 6 hour sleep. They eventually will be tech savvy and will have less time to communicate or interact with human beings in person. I just try to keep it this way, the natural way, for however long I can manage.

Number 1 was just promised by her father yesterday that if she finishes her Quran by a certain time she gets an iPad. And to my happiness, she responded “Remember no iPads” So I know children never develop complexes unless we try to shove it into them. Cell phones for now I have promised them when they’d be at least 16.

So my point: Please be sensible when deciding on handing over all this garbage aka technology, gift wrapped as tablets, pods and smart phones to these beautiful, super intelligent children when all they need is our attention and some encouragement. I argue and confront and fight about it with those I love. I know it is hard and I am not some kind of anti Illuminati or anti tech freak. I’m guilty of binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix when I am sad and I hog up on pop and sugar when I am depressed or I give up everything and not eat for days and survive on Chai as my to go med, friend, shoulder to cry-on. I just also admitted my horrible routine of social media when I just anxiously and insanely keep checking Facebook okay. I do. I am not a perfect mom, neither a perfect woman. I have my fair share of flaws. In fact I am more flawed than most. But this stuff is poison. It hurts those bright eyes, it damages those Einstein brains, it isolates those giggling personalities, it bars them friendly gestures and public etiquettes. It produces jay walkers who walk without the knowledge of their surroundings, engrossed in whatever device, and eventually usually get struck.

I wish I could’ve been born another time. Too old perhaps and hence nag!

Uncategorized

What’s Your Language?

January 1, 2016 No Comments

I have this knack for languages. As a kid, I was the most brilliant student and the blue-eyed pupil for my language teachers. My Urdu was as good as my English. As a teenager, I always wanted to learn German, Chinese, and Arabic.

When I had kids, I tried teaching them Urdu. I put them in French school so they could learn the second official language of the country they are born in. They also attend an evening school where they have just begun to learn Arabic. Plus number two already speaks gibberish some times, telling me it is Chinese.

I try to communicate with them in Urdu as advised by so many language experts. It is because I believe no matter where they go and what they do, being the children of a Desi household they must know the language of their parents and family. I truly admire people from far-East and also Indian Punjab, and Arabs as they make sure their kids know and speak their language at home or amongst the family, while I find Urdu and Hindi speaking people more shy to use their own language and feel proud that their kids do not speak but in English-guess 200 or so years of British slavery does that to people!

So I just found this amazing article on Twitter, that was actually interesting for number 1, as she is just like me when it comes to languages. She is often a bit shy to speak Urdu, so I showed her this and made her read it.

I am sure some numbers would be as surprising for you as are for me.

The numbers are fascinating because they reflect the fact that two-thirds of the world’s population share only 12 native languages. Those numbers were recently published by the University of Düsseldorf’s Ulrich Ammon, who conducted a 15-year-long study.

This is the chart that caught her attention most as I bragged about how widely spoken my language is, even more than hers:)

Here’s the link to the actual article:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/the-worlds-languages-in-seven-maps-and-charts-a6791871.html

Amber Makes, Baking, Canada, Children, Christmas, Dessert, DIY, Family, Festival, Food, Recipes

What I made for Christmas giveaways

December 21, 2015 1 Comment

So I had been sick, really sick for past so many days. I do not even remember since when. I finished two rounds of antibiotics but got sick again two days later. Then someone in the family told me to get some anti-allergy, and I found relief in my kids Benadryl syrup. No I still did not get to sleep, but it definitely helped. By the way I was wondering, why are OTC anti-allergy medicines are so expensive?

On another note I missed a birthday and so many days of productivity.

And then last Tuesday I realized schools are closing for holidays and I haven’t got any thing for teachers for Christmas. I like to create gifts and presents myself. It gives those things a personal touch I feel.

But there was neither time, nor energy or brain to shop or plan. So I Googled and found this amazing thing- White chocolate peppermint pretzels.

Took only three ingredients, about 3 hours and some mason jars that I had bought some time back. And yes a lot of fight and struggle with my macho number 3 as he was constantly trying either to pull down the chocolate bowl or break the pretzels.

Just sharing the recipe-Its a great activity to do with children as well (Hint hint winter holidays)

[yumprint-recipe id=’2′]

I had a couple while I was still making, it tasted that good:)

A little piece of twine, a handmade chalkboard greeting card and a piece of gold lace-Voila!

Amber Writings, Children, Desi, Family, Karachi, parenting, Thoughts

Same old me, same old

November 26, 2015 No Comments

I wish there was a place in this world, a place bigger than Harrods or Harvey Nichols or Saks Fifth Avenue. A place where, things were available based on their worth, not the price attributed to it. A place where people could exchange emotions, I would have given my self in exchange of one last glimpse

If only though, if only wishes were horses, beggars like myself would fly high.

Its not what I would have or could have done, its just that every year this day comes, and though there is hardly a day when I do not think about her or when number 1 not have a question about her, perhaps the same questions repeatedly every day, I still feel like a five year old, in search of a warm embrace, looking for that precious smile, waiting to be held and be loved.

Every year, its like the same cycle. I start getting these weird dreams, and then I recall that at this time one or two or three or now four years back, this happened. It is like someone is dragging me to the electric chair, to be executed, and every year, a part of me dies within.

Its not philosophy, its not tragedy, its just the reality. That she is gone, that I was not with her. That I could not kiss her good bye. That she kept calling my name. That she kept waiting for me. Was all this actually worth it?

I remember my sister always used to ask me to go out at night on weekends, and Ammi would always tag along “How can I let you girls out, alone this late?” And when we would reach a jam lacked Hyder’s, she would say “Oh I don’t feel like having anything” And then later she’d be like “I’m kinda thirsty and will have a sip or two” And we both would fight with her that why you do not order something for your self. And I know deep in her heart, she was trying to save money that were so uselessly spending on “unhealthy, garbage stuff”- Mothers:)

When other girls talk about their mothers, I look at them with envy. When someone posts their status on Facebook to wish happy birthday to their mother, I just get numb. When I see women holding their grand children, my heart sinks. I have been trying to find her in every person I see, meet or talk to. I call every elderly woman Ammi, and yet this vacuum inside never fills. The gap just keeps increasing.

Its just like a hole, the size of California, being drilled in my heart, every day, every year.

And although her prayers for me have been answered and I have an angel right by my side, I still can’t deny that she took away a part of me with her. I am not complete any more. Can never be!

November 27th 2015

Canada, Children, Islam, Karachi, Pakistan, Religion, Thoughts, World

Not in my Faith either

November 16, 2015 No Comments

Number 1 came to me this evening to get her agenda signed. About to finish doing dishes, I asked her what was written there. And she replied ” Religious- Festival-Hannukkah-Month-Menorah-”

And I suddenly felt overwhelmed; overwhelmed with happiness as I myself always have had a passion to learn about other religions, to study history. overwhelmed with satisfaction that most likely, my children will not grow up to be bigots like I come across every day on social media because I am teaching them their own religion and acceptance and the schools tell them that they co-exist with other from different backgrounds. Overwhelmed that I live in a country where everyone is welcomed (well yes there are exceptions) and allowed to practice their religion freely.

You see, ISIS is not a terrorist organization. Its basically a radical mindset that makes one believe and understand that what they do or think or see or say is right and every one else is wrong. And unfortunately this mindset is not limited to some bearded, black gown-wearing thugs who kill in the name of the Most Merciful.

Since Friday’s horrific incidents that took place in Paris, I have been reading and watching awfully lot. By Sunday morning, my mind was already numb after watching the horrific scenes of the attacks on tv and after I learnt that a Peterborough mosque, in fact the ONLY mosque in that are was set alight and police said it was not an accident.

By Monday there were numerous clueless clowns, the biggest remains Donald Trump proposing to shut down mosques because to him, thats where the hatred is coming from or it is Marco Rubio suggesting to NOT accept those poor Syrian refugees who are escaping from the same monstrous ISIS and war or be it Ted Cruz who suggested ‘selective’ acceptance of ONLY Christian refugees. Of course not to forget Jeb Bush who can say all that he wants but “Whose bother created ISIS”– Reminds me of Nazism!

It definitely suits them to ignite the anti Islam sentiment using Paris attacks to support their rhetoric for the upcoming presidential elections, using sensitive issues like these to stop and ban a religion because a bunch of lunatics who say they believe in the same, just like billions others who practice the same faith peacefully. But when it comes to judging, those billions fall far behind and the blood thirsty faces of ISIS, who some say were created and empowered by the West, become the very face of Islam, the very meaning of which is peace, purity and submission. Do they even know what it means to ban a religion? I’m sure not because that requires critical thinking, absence of which is quiet evident here.

What breaks my heart though, is that being a Muslim, as soon as something like this happens, we start feeling this sword hanging above us. Though again, I must say that Canadians are the most tolerant and accepting warm people, for I have seen far more greater number who respect and protect my freedom than those who just call on our new Prime Minister to send fighter jets to war-torn Syria or to not accept refugees.

Still the Peterborough mosque fire, and the sister who was mocked and ridiculed at a grocery store in the most diverse city of Mississauga because she was wearing hijaab and the Zara store that refused a woman entry into their premises because she was wearing hijaab and the woman who was racially and physically assaulted today outside her children’s school today. Plus the countless campaigns and status updates that are so defensive, passionately call out to not count all Muslims as ISIS or terrorists and asking for acceptance.

I am from Pakistan, and Pakistan is one of the few countries that has suffered the most from the hands of these terror mongers. We’ve lost over 60,000 people, mostly Muslims, in this war against terror. Just about 11 months back, I was in Karachi Pakistan when over 130 schools kids were shot in their faces and chests in broad day light in Peshawar. Yet the world chooses to mourn selective deaths. I do remember social media turned black on December 16th 2014, to show solidarity. Perhaps Facebook was not developed back then to produce a black filter for the dead children and their bereaved mourners.

But I am not here to question why someone chose to mourn ONLY Paris while in reality, just a days earlier the same evil ISIS attacked Beirut or few months back Kenya or every day in Syria kills hundreds.

My point is simple: No one, and I repeat, absolutely no one should have to justify in what they believe; Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Buhddhists, Atheists-just no one. It is a feeling of utter disgust and low self esteem to have to justify your existence and your appearance and what you wear and what you do. Somewhere someone has to take a wise decision. A little tolerance, a little acceptance and just a little less judgement should be good enough to begin with!

Religion is between man and Creator. Let it be that way!

Amber Makes, Baking, Children, Crafts, Dessert, DIY, Food, parenting

Ice-cream themed summer birthday

November 1, 2015 1 Comment

I have often seen child number 1 being the most angelic, most well mannered, well behaved one, while number 2 is usually an opposite. It is not because I am child number 1 but because even my children are like that.

My first born is the first born of both the families so she has always been a blue-eyed baby. Plus she is the most well mannered baby I have ever come across. It is not because she is mine, but I have always gotten compliments about her, to the extent that my friends would ask me for advise on how to get theirs as disciplined and behaved.

Of course I know no magic, number 2 and number 3 are a proof.

Number 2 was/is a loud baby (just like her mother). She is a Mini-Me. Care free, easy going, easy moving, distracted, extremely loving and super intelligent. When outside, both number 1 and number 2 are known for their manners, etiquettes and behaviour. But she likes to be a baby at times, and after number 3 even more.

She is the only summer baby in the family, so we always have greater and better chances to plan and celebrate her birthday. But for past couple years we could not. I was travelling on or around her birthday so we would just cut a cake and give presents, but then there were occasions and that too very often, when she would come to me with those puppy eyes, and huge pout and say “Am I not your daughter? Why do I never have a birthday party? Why do I not get to invite my friends? Etc etc etc”

Being the crafty mom that I am, I’m always on the look out for stuff, cheap stuff that I could use for little, unnecessary stuff. About a year back, I had seen some nice chevron and damask patterned stuff at the local craft store in the clearance section and boy it was a treasure for about 20 bucks. So I had been thinking of using that stuff towards her party; to make her happy on a budget. But it just happened, like it always does, that few days before I set the party, I happened to visit the store again. And something caught my eyes. It was a paper ice-cream cone garland, from summer stuff. I just loved the colours and put it in my trolley for a mere $2.75. That ice-cream cone garland just turned everything upside down.

I came back home and dived deep into my magic closet where I keep all the left over papers, cards, glitter, paints, glues, mod-podge, pom poms like Mr. Maker. And I came out successful. A whole bunch of goodies that were gonna keep me busy for a whole lot of days.

I made the invites out of the card stock that I had saved. Glitter, markers, paper fasteners, pom pom balls were all part of the project.

Since the weather was great, so I planned a backyard party with everything in the party to do something with summer and candy and ice-cream.

The Pizza cones: That actually matched the total ice-cream theme (Recipe here)

The Fruit Punch: Just the simple orange juice with some honey added for sweetness, and reusable plastic ice cubes

The Ice-Cream: I did not get a chance to take the picture of ice-cream itself but I used three different flavours from President’s Choice: Sprinkle Party Cake, Rainbow and Galactic Swirl (All Kosher Certified) The toppings were marshmallows, cherries, sour jelly beans, and mini m&m’s.

The Mango smoothie: A little sprinkle goes a long way, and so it did help attract the young guns to that healthy nutritious smoothie inside.

The party favours: I chose these super cute gum-ball machines, that were an instant hit with the girls. Of course there were these little fights over who wants the pink (Which obviously everybody did) but it was manageable.

The Watermelon jello: Who does not like jello? That too when it is made in a watermelon shell and looks like watermelon slices!

The cake: I had decided to go for a seven layered rainbow coloured cake with vanilla buttercream for the inside. And had two different themes in mind for the decoration. But then I left it blank, like a canvas and kept some edible decorating markers on the side so the guests and the host could decorate it themselves. It was one of the biggest hit of the party. everyone so excited as to when we were going to decorate the cake.

The girls had an amazing time decorating it. Though it was a bit difficult for them to run the markers through the soft fondant but hey, cooking and baking and decorating for them is such a fantasy right now at this age!

I couldn’t have thought of a better idea than to hide colour inside the cake so when she cuts it, she is as happy as this rainbow:)

Not a very good quality picture but this is how the table looked like.

Happy reading… Do post your comments in the section below!

Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Lifestyle, parenting, Religion

Oh it’s just Halloween

October 28, 2015 1 Comment

Days before October arrived, number 1 told me “I know it is not okay to celebrate Halloween because it has Pagan roots, (I told them about the origin of Halloween and luckily the class teacher also discussed and explained the same to them) but would it be okay if we can just give away candies to people who come to our door”

This was the most tricky question I had been asked in months, so much so that I had to ask her for some time to think about it and get back to her.

In its essence, it was just a simple innocent wish to welcome people who come to our door step. At the same time it was something, that if I allow, would totally go against my previous sermons of why we should and do not celebrate Halloween.

I was lost in my thoughts for days around. I asked an aunt and she mentioned the same that her daughter had asked and that she would allow her to go out trick or treating this year. I was almost falling into the same path, with half my mind and heart still saying it is wrong, when suddenly one afternoon, as I picked them from the school bus stop, she went “Mama I think I do not want to give candies on Halloween. It is better we stick inside, and enjoy some good movie”. Should I say I was relieved? Yes I was. Should I say I was surprised? Yes I was.

Later she went on to explain “There are all kind of creepy faces that come for candy and I would not be able to sleep if i see one of those so closely, so its better for us (Pointing to herself and number 2) that we do not do it”.

End of story-Or was it?

It was basically their fear of those ugly faces, or zombies or demons that played the trick this time around but would it help next year?

As I keep saying and repeating, life in West has its own pros and cons. You live in a first world country, enjoy all the perks and privileges, many can only dream of back home. Yet there is this constant battle, within self, with the family, with peers to maintain our own identity, to have our own rules. Sigh!

Every year as Halloween approaches, there are these long lunch time discussions about why Halloween is not for us.

Lets put it this way: to me it is all a way of making money by the corporate giants around the world, than anything to do with any faith or religion. Enter any store in January and you’d see red hearts, chocolates and cupids all around asking and inviting you to SHOP for Valentine’s day. Comes March and suddenly everything is about Easter egg-hunts, and pastel flowers and bunnies. Then Mother’s day’s daisies, Father’s day’s ties, Back to School clothes, bags, things, Thanksgiving turkeys, Halloween candies and decorations, Christmas lights and Santa’s presents. In between al this there’s summer sale, winter sale, Cyber Monday, Black Friday, Boxing day and God knows what.

There is so much temptation, such marketing that one is almost forced to indulge into shopping for cheaper candy or better food items.

And then there is the religious part too.

You see I am quiet a liberal woman with very strong beliefs about right and wrong of my own. These were embedded when I was still a kid, a baby kid, and then reinforced time to time. Yet I would say, my mother must have had a better time teaching us things because back then there wasn’t this much awareness or must I say, information, among kids.

But at the same time, I am thankful to Almighty for such beautiful children I have. They listen, try to understand, and follow. Hardly ever a question, and not because there is any lack of intelligence or because of fear of any sort but because they’ve have learnt and believe that whatever mom decides for them would be the best and that is what they know.

I remember when number 1 was only 7 months old, I myself took her out trick or treating in a Tigger costume. I guess it was more my own wish to go around and have fun rather than her choice.

Then I realized its only little things like “Oh its just candy” “Oh its just saying Merry Christmas” or “Oh its just Easter egg hunt” that later on can find ways to justify a lot of things that are actually a nightmare, because “Oh its just……” (Fill in the blanks)

Also my own inner child that I had to tame. How long could I do things in the name of my children but actually because I want to do them or because I did not get to do those when I was a kid. And my kids see not what I say, but what I do!

I had to teach and lecture them repeatedly, again and again, why celebrating Halloween is not for us or why wearing spaghetti strap or sleeveless dresses is not proper. And friends it does make sense: How can you let your children do something until about 8 to 10 years of age thinking oh they’re just children and then one day just tell them they can’t do it anymore. You see those little minds do not see the justification here and they are not wrong. If something is wrong, it must be wrong from day 1. Then why were they allowed to do it or follow it till now and why is there a sudden halt.

By the way the above lines only stand true for some of us, while for others Halloween is just about candy and having fun and being part of the world we live in, for the rest of their lives and it is perfectly okay. I am no one to judge. To each their own!

For the candy part, I try to make it up to them. Every party at home, any sleep-over, any occasion, I try and keep extra desserts and candies for their little tummies and eyes. And I let them drown in those, never keeping a tab on those special occasions so they never feel “Oh we did not get enough”

I am no religious scholar, neither I feel my knowledge is perfect. Yet I am an individual with my own opinion and belief about everything. I have two beautiful well behaved kids that the world praises for their manners and etiquettes, who are not picky eaters, who are in bed when most of the kids their age are still in front of the television, who are known for their wit and intelligence so there must be something that I am doing right. And this is just one of the lessons that I taught them and thought of sharing.

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